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When you have nothing left to give…

by brenda on

photo credit: Caitlinator

I wanted to write last night, but I couldn’t. I wanted to write two posts–one about food, and one about kids with behavioral issues. I was spent. My brain was fried. I couldn’t give anything else.

One of my kids has been spiraling all week, and last night and this morning, it got even worse. Last night my husband gave me a break (and like I said, I was going to write–I just couldn’t). He managed the behaviors beautifully. All week, we’ve used all of the therapeutic parenting methods we could muster up. We’ve tried everything we’ve been taught. Still, our child has been stuck.

One profound thing that my child confessed is that sometimes they don’t want a mom. They just want to be alone…That explains perfectly why these kids act the way they do–they’re trying to push their mom’s love away. I think it goes something like this in their brain:

“Will you love me if I do this?”

“What about this?”

“Let’s see, can I get you to yell at me if I do this?”

“Will I push you away if I do this?”

and it goes on and on, and they try to push our love away. And as much as we love them and we want to be like God and love them unconditionally, we’re not God, and at some point, we just might break. They just might push our love away, or make us feel numb, or something…

Jesus said “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest…” (Matthew 11:28).

Yes, please. Can I have that rest? I need that.

I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have God on my side. Really. Where would my hope be, in the midst of this chaos? How could I continue on? How would I have any hope?

There’s screaming, and door hitting, and in-your-face “I don’t want your help! I don’t want your love!” kind of behavior. The other kids are stressed, and they all express it in their different ways (over the top silliness, or selfish attitudes or crying). Where is comfort?

It’s not in:

  • hot chocolate (even though I like it)
  • Kettle chips (mmm, crunchy)
  • classical music (as nice as it sounds)
  • a nice, warm fire (perfect, this time of year)
  • a perfectly clean house (ha!)
  • someone else doing my laundry (I do like that idea, though)
  • buying new boots off of Nordstrom.com (though I’m tempted..)
  • getting lost in other people’s lives on a TV show (hello couch potato!)

 

These things may comfort temporarily. They may help us escape the pain for a little while, but they’re not The Comforter.

Paul called God the “Father of compassion and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (2 Cor 1:3 & 4)

He’s it. In the midst of extreme chaos, His Word is all that comforts. This is so hard on the whole family, but there’s one thing I’m glad about: it brings us to prayer and to read God’s Word. It brings us to hopelessness in ourselves & our own capabilities and we realize that we have to put our hope in Him. The only way I can keep on loving a child who treats me so terribly is by finding my comfort and strength in God.

Where do you find your comfort in the storm? What do you do when you just can’t give any more?

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