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Reminder: Fits Come from Sadness or Secrets

by brenda on


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This is a reminder to all of you and myself! There is a reason our kids throw fits. The fits are not pretty. They are sometimes downright annoying and inconvenient. Sometimes I don’t respond in the loveliest ways..I wonder if you’re like me? If we can all remember the ROOT of the problem, we can do a better job keeping ourselves calm.

Fits come from sadness, or secrets. Either way, our kids need us to be compassionate. I am not saying that we should be a total wimp and avoid holding our children accountable for inappropriate or destructive behaviors. I am saying, keep calm. Keep the loving eyes. Remember that the goal is to draw your child closer to you. In the midst of the fit, the child is not in their right mind. Do not engage. Do not argue. You will regret the things that you say, and your child, unfortunately, may remember your words and they will add to the sadness and pain.

If a fit comes from sadness, the hope is that someday they will be able to express their sadness in a constructive way–to cry. To say “I’m sad.” To journal about it. To color a picture about it. To soak up Mommy’s hugs. In order for this kind of situation to become a reality, we have to be a safe, calm, loving Mom in the midst of the fit.

If a fit comes from secrets, the hope is that someday the child will be able to share their secrets without hesitation. That there might not be “secrets.” Sometimes the secrets are so tiny–but they feel HUGE to a child who feels yucky inside already. In the midst of the fit, we have to let our child know, “I love you NO MATTER WHAT.” No matter what the secret is, we love our child. The child has to know that, feel that, see that. Eventually, the child will open up and share the secrets, and then BREATHE the fresh air of Mommy’s love! <3

You can do it, and so can I! Let’s stay calm so that our children will know that we are a safe, loving person to share their sadness and secrets with.

 

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