Brenda's Blog: 4/24/2006

Just the other day I got another e-mail from a working mom who works because she likes to work, and who wished me to be more "open minded" about moms who do this.  I didn't e-mail this mom back yet...I am not interested in debate.  I just want to share with you all some things I am thinking....

It's funny that I received that e-mail at one of the busiest times in my life, whilst I have almost (and yet not quite!) been as busy as a working mom.  We moved at the end of March.  We have been painting, hanging blinds up, sealing grout, hanging up little hooks so that towels, coats and keys can hang in just the right places, digging up our yard, planting fruit trees and lilac bushes, roses and a hydrangea...I've unpacked and organized nearly everything.  We have had contractors in and out of our house, finishing up details and making things just right.  Life has been BUSY!!! 

The daily things (laundry, cooking meals, doing dishes, sweeping the kitchen floor) have not been taken care of nearly as well as usual.  Unfortunately, my kids have not been taken care of as well as I usually take care of them either.  They've been fed, clothed and bathed, yes.  And they've followed me around while I worked on contact paper, taping a room to prepare for painting, and more....and they've been frustrating me more than usual.  Mainly because I got into "project mode" and, my attitude was that my kids were in the way.  And so they started acting like it...They've been testing me more than usual, running out the front door, running away from me when we go on walks, playing in the toilet (oh my!), unpacking things, re-packing things, dumping out toys, getting up at meal times.....and more!!  And I know partially there is just emotional stress going on, with moving to a new house.  But I also know that they are silently screaming something: SPEND TIME WITH ME!!

So yesterday and today, I purposed to do nothing but spend time with my children.  The laundry is piling up, and I'll need to wash, dry and fold a bunch this evening.  But we've had 2 days that have been MUCH BETTER than the last 3 weeks have been!!  The kids are so worn out, they're all taking naps right now, in different rooms (Because there are contractors taking squeaks out of our floors right now & working in their bedroom).  Isaac is on the couch--laying quietly with no complaints. Noah is in a pack-n-play in the den, totally out, in the midst of all of the noises!  Kaleb is in a crib in what will be the "baby room"--laying quietly, possibly asleep by now.  We played hard today! 

We went out into the garden and planted seeds together.  I did have a goal of planting a certain amount, and they disobeyed me and so we had to stop.  But I just kept this in mind: training them and spending time with them is my PRIMARY job in life.  Because they ran down the street when they were supposed to stay next to me and dig, I brought them all into the house and disciplined them, and gardening time was over.  The end goal was not how many seeds got in the ground.  My project (my "work") was not more important than them.  THEY were what was important to me...and even though we didn't get all of those seeds planted, and we had to come in earlier than expected and they had to be disciplined, I believe that my willingness to focus on THEM probably spoke VOLUMES to them.

We read stories...we spent a TON of time looking through their "Thousand Words" book and talking about everything going on in the pictures.  We colored together, had snack time, did "Toddler Aerobics," played hide-and-seek, crawled around like animals, tickled each other, played games on my computer (check out Starfall.com!!), ate a good lunch together (and mostly stayed at the table!), and more.  It was a FULL day.  They didn't test me as much today (there was some testing, but not as much!!).  I didn't yell at them today.  I feel far more connected to my kids....I feel like a better mom.....I feel confidence that I actually can homeschool them.  (The last few weeks, as they have tested me over and over and been "in my way" while I worked on projects, I was thinking "how can I ever homeschool them?...and how can we adopt more??").  Really, it's all very simple--for mom and kids to have confidence, for there to be peace and order in the home, for kids to feel loved--it all takes: 

T-I-M-E. 

I'm not talking about "quality time," there's no such thing as quality time without a good amount of quantity to it...

Now, as for that e-mail from the mom who likes to work and thinks I should understand that...

Our kids are more important than ANYTHING.  They are our primary job, and we ought to see them that way.  I have heard many say "but I am a better mom if I work."  I STRONGLY disagree.  You are a better mom if you're THERE.  I've said it before, but for a working mom, these projects, and the daily things (laundry, dishes, cooking) do not go away just because she's at work.  She's got to work several hours, do these things, and then when does she spend time with her kids? 

In the name of "open mindedness," I will say that it is possible that a mom could work a few hours during the day IF her kids are in school, as long as she does not neglect spending time with her kids because she is working.  But this is something that a mom ought to be praying about and feel absolutely at peace with it.  And she should follow her husband's guidance in this area as well! 

That aside, our time with our kids is to be treasured and protected.  Ministries can take time away from our children in the same way that a job can--so be careful.  I am thankful that I am able to take time off from my projects and just to spend time with my boys when they need it...I doubt that any job would be so flexible....

And I will clarify, again, I am talking to moms who work for pleasure.  Not those who have to work to survive.  Moms who work for more material possessions are equal to those who work for pleasure, however.  Just spend time with your kiddos...they may not verbalize it, but they desperately want your TIME.

as always, e-mail me with your thoughts!